Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
