i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
