i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
