And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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