We won't sleep together?
the condom got lost in my hair
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
