She said her name was "party"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
