i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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