I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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