Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
