Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
