I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
