He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
