just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
