dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
