Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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