he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
