Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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