Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
