just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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