I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
