we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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