It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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