Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
