"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
