I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize