I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
