I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
