I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
