The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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