Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
