i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
