if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
