The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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