I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
