I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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