i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
