Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
