The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize