Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
