I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
