we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
