my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize