just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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