TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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