He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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