so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
