Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
