I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
