Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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