I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
