He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
