You smell like a Billy Joel song
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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