Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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