I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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