he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
