Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
