i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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