She is in my trunk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
do nipples grow back?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
