So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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