I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
