is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
