DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
