He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize