apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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