the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
