he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
